The Dream That Did Not Exist
by Falling Tears of Death
Summary: Summary: Maybe spending a lifetime longing for Roxas isn't better than not having him at all. Maybe this longing isn't romantic or poetic. Maybe this longing is merely suffering losing Roxas again and again.


**A/N: This is a five part series that is inspired and framed by Jeffery McDaniel's poem The Secret. **

1.

When you were sleeping on the sofa  
I put my ear to your ear and listened  
to the echo of your dreams—Jeffery McDaniel

Looking at him like this, being so close to him like this, is like coiling copper around a combusting sun. Its failure. Its imminent failure but all Axel thinks he feels is relief and perhaps clarity. There is a spell, there is a word, a secret handshake, an ancient dance, a cacophonous howl—there is some way or at least something Axel can do to reach him. Be inside of him. Claw his way into the hollow Roxas has purposely tumbled down and carry Roxas out on his perfectly sharp and angled shoulder. He can see it in the way that she will not look at him that she knows this. And he can see it in the way she grasps her pencil , as if trying to transmute her hand into wood, that she will give in to him. Or he will burn her down.

"Just once" he says to her, holds out a slim unassuming finger, tilts his head and grins with charm. She does not look up. Does not give in so easily. Presses the pencil into her hand closer, angling the sharp point until it presses in her soft palm and shades it soft charcoal. "Just this once" he says again, his finger still suspended into air, head still titled, charming grin still in place. Namine finally looks up at him. Looks up and stares as he holds himself perfectly still. Does not move. Does not breathe. Time warps and stops around him without any need for incantation. His presence swallows all existence, suspends it into nothingness. Kills it—charmingly.

She wants to tell him that he does not know what he asks of her. She wants to explain to him that what he thinks will happen and what will actually happen are not the same and he should forget he ever found Roxas in this place. She wants to tell him that if he does this he will start the path that will lead to his death and it will hurt. It will hurt and it will hurt even more because he believes he cannot feel. He believes he is not vulnerable and this, Roxas, this will destroy him. Roxas is a tumor he should be happy to be rid of. Roxas is an anchor drowning him in the ocean on a summer day. Roxas is not the key. Roxas is what locks were made for.

She does not tell him this because she knows that finger is ready to burn out her throat. She does not tell him this because her sympathy for Axel is only matched by her fear of Axel. Of everyone's fear of Axel. So she nods. She nods, loosens her grip on her pencil and catches Axel's perturbed stare. On her palm there is red copper slowly dripping out. "In the Room of Dreams" she whispers "I can bleed". That is the only warning she will give Axel. The only warning she can afford to give him.

The ground beneath him glows and shifts, as the droplet of blood from Namine's hand become a sphere. A sphere of Roxas floating above him. Axel extends his arms out, reaches and clasps the sphere tight. Long, elegant fingers squeezing and pressing into a red golden glow. The harder he squeezes the more his stomach churns, his mouth fills with saliva and the taste of burnt sea salt. Axel squeezes harder still. Feels the heat channeling through his body. Hears ever so clearly a shout in the distance. A shout that gets louder and louder until Axel's ears ache. Axel opens his mouth to scream. He opens his mouth to scream out: Roxas, Roxas you stupid idiot. I had a plan for us. Roxas, you unthinking fool do you know what you have done? Roxas, they will make me kill you.

Axel opens his mouth but it's too late. The sphere is everywhere, wrapping around him, its light covering his mouth and seeping down his tongue like thick molasses. Axel shuts his eyes and tries to calm himself. This is the Hidden Room of Dreams. He cannot be overcome here.

Axel swallows, opens his mouth and lets out a sigh. Invites the sweltering warmth to surround and fill him. He can hear now the shouting getting closer. Closer, yet softer and more soothing to the ear. The words are muffled but Axel understands them as clearly as if they were coming out from inside of him. "Summer" the voice says filled with longing, filled desperation, filled with layers of emotions Axel has never heard before. "Summer never seems to last as long as you think it will."

-Review-


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